Today on the show we discussed the challenges we face right now. Topics included being consistent, getting more child support from ex, visitation issues, relationship with children, finances and kids behavior. We also discussed creating a strategy to deal with challenges when they arise. The problem with challenges is that when they come up they force us off balance. We jump into survival mode and sometimes act on impulse or move into an old pattern of behavior that we’ve established around feeling stressed. The goal is to develop a plan, a series of steps taken whenever a challenge arises.
Filed under Well being by 
Beverly had the great suggestion today on the show that we all share our deal breaker lists as well as our list of the things we want out of a relationship. If you don’t know what we’re talking about you may want to listen to the show on Setting Relationship Goals. I’ll start out with my deal breaker list:
Filed under Dating by
IN THE ARMS OF A LOVER
Liliana Kohann
In the arms of a lover
to float, to float
to kiss, to discover
a lot, a lot
The freedom of friendship
caress, caress
the words to express it
possess, possess
Filed under Relationships by
Question: How do you deal with an ex spouse who abandons his children?
My thoughts on this: I’ve found that most abandonment issues begin with the father not wanting to pay any child support. So, I want to address the practical first. Do whatever you have to to make him pay child support. If you can’t retain an attorney, go through child services. The district attorney in your area can do this for free if you can show that he is not paying his child support. It takes up to a year to get this in place, but once it is, your ex has to pay directly to them and then they pay you. If he’s late they deal with it. (If you’re receiving welfare they will take this out of your support payments first).
Filed under Custody Issues, Parenting, Post Divorce by
Question: Going back to school for a Masters Degree while raising an 11 year-old daughter by myself, running a household and trying to find a suitable husband. I am age 49, so my youth is slipping away as well.
Filed under Dating, Remarriage, Well being by
Question: I am a little worried that my 6 yr old son will be come too attached – too quickly – to anyone I date and introduce him to. He gets to see his father every other weekend(sometime more). He has a good relationship with his grandpa/uncles and a half dozen male cousins(see them all at least once per week) plus the attention he gets from several male role models at our very small church. He still seems "starved" for male bonding, I am afraid he will latch on to anyone I bring around and then get hurt when/if the relationship ends. Is there a deeper issue that I am not seeing (insecurity of some sort)?
More on I’m afraid my son will become attached to my date and then be disappointed
How do I start dating again? I feel at a loss. My husband left me after 10 years together and almost 6 year marriage. I am a grad student doing my best to raise a 3 year old and 1 year old on my own. I feel completely clueless when it come to dating. My ex and I had been together since I was 16 and I never really dated and I’ve never been with anyone else, so I have no idea even how to begin meeting people. Towards the end of the marriage my ex was very degrading and would tell me I let myself go after having kids and he wasn’t attracted to me anymore and was interested in me sexually either. While I realize he was doing this to get me to leave him so he wouldn’t feel so guilty for having his affair, it’s still really hard and I often feel unworthy of dating or finding someone. How do you get over these feelings? Also how do I date with two young kids? I often find myself wondering who would want to date someone with two kids. I just feel at a loss with everything. Any suggestions?
Filed under Dating, Marriage Ending, Post Divorce by
I have been separated for 3 years and my children are 16, 14 and 10. Since the year 2000 I have been, and always will be, the sole financial support of my family. I did the major internal work before leaving my marriage. Consequently, for me divorce was a new lease on life and I have never been happier. In fact, my happiness probably borders on the obnoxious. A year ago I met a wonderful man whom I consider to be my ideal-he shares my values and my sense of adventure, and has been nothing short of a prince in his treatment of me. So, where is the problem? It’s all with me. While I feel I have done a good job of not taking much time from my kids to see my boyfriend, I find it very difficult to have a huge emotional attachment outside of my family life. I feel this relationship has changed the dynamic in my home, that we are somehow not the same tight knit foursome we were. In short, I feel emotionally spread thin. I told my boyfriend I needed to reestablish my emotional presence at home, that it hasn’t been the same. He understood and said he will do whatever it takes. Problem is, now I don’t seem to have the same joy in being in the relationship. I don’t seem to know how to be a "We" with my boyfriend, and maintain the the joyful foursome I have been with my kids.
Filed under Post Divorce by
SUDDENLY I’M A WISE MAN
Liliana Kohann
So alone,
I don’t know whom to talk to,
I feel so alone.
Whom to get advice from?
Suddenly
all the wise men are gone.
It seems as if yesterday,
I was still just a child,
playing and laughing,
in the sweet, care-free life.
I had so many people
who would love to help out,
lead me by my hand,
hold me in their arms,
point in the right direction,
carry me through the day.
And now like a spark
it all went away
and here I am,
forced to be the guide,
the one to support others,
the one to decide
The one to whom constantly,
my little ones look up,
Suddenly I’m a wise man
the best one I’ve got.
Filed under Post Divorce by
In our role as mothers we are constantly being passion detectives. We watch our kids for signs of what they like and then do our best to support lessons, clubs or involvement in some way with whatever they show an interest in. Today, we’re going to learn how to do this for ourselves. We’re going to do for ourselves what we so willingly do for our children.
Filed under Self Discovery by
